My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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