i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
