remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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