i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
