I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
