I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
