Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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