Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
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