this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Come share oat with me in your robe
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
