she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize