he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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