He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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