While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
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As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
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I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize