she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
