evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
So many bounce houses so little time
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
