Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
