Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
