so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Watching her eat just hurts me
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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