How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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