dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
