im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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