I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
so let's talk penis.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize