I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
