I will die if light touches me.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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