I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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