You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
