Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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