Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
