That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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