discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
This gyro tastes like lonliness
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
