Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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