I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
