I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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