I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
