you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
