She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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