and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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