He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Randomize
