cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
