I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
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Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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