It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
