If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I wish they made helmets for livers.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
