So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
