My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
This show inspires me to have sex in space
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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