And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
