She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
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