I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
