I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize