turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
