Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
