You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
