Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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