she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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