Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
