what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
The uberlube is also flammable
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
