I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I will die if light touches me.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
