cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
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Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
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I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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