I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
