I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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