i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
