my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
