No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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