If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
