shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
